So after a couple of weeks at home, with my wonderful partner and her fabulous sister, and my wonderful friends, I started to learn about incurable death. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought. In fact there were moments of real fun, fun, fun! Everyone just wanted harmony and fun… at risk of repeating oneself.
The pain had moments of being slightly nasty, but on a scale of 1 to 10 it never got any worse, except for one night. (Well one night isn’t so bad!) I woke up and looked at my partner, utterly exhausted, and said her name a couple of times but I just couldn’t and didn’t want to wake her up. For a while I wallowed in a little pointless self pity, the usual rubbish… you know… why me? It’s not fair… the usual crap. Then I realised… ‘Oh for crying out loud… horrid though this may be, it’s not going to last… awful stuff does not last. We are all designed to get to press the override button, and move on, be bold and enjoy being brave and bold, and that is what happened. Next day my beloved, pressed the hospice support button and within two days I was instructed to go to the hospice and have my pain addressed, reduced, sorted and fixed.
The whole process was as heavenly as going to heaven without visibly being hauled into heaven. The Martlets, despite its diminishing resources has, with its sister hospices still retained extraordinary levels of care, and talent. If only the NHS were able to dispense this quality, this service, this scale of love, the life of the people in the United Kingdom would be so utterly different. And truly it is not beyond the mind of man that one day we will discover that the harmonious balance of life and death is worth everything, far, far more than the idiotic intellectual squirming and thrashing of 100 AI corporations.
It’s tough work struggling with a fun box load of cancer, but please stay with me on this journey. Unlike me, you don’t have to snuff it when you reach the end! xx
On May 6th 2026 at 11.30 am my world went ‘BANG!’ with an element of undignified ‘Ping!’
Following nine months of denial, with a mythic attack of sciatica, (apparently I didn’t need a scan, and the cough was imaginary) my femur snapped like a flimsy matchstick and I had to be hoisted by a crane through the velux window of my second floor under-roof study by the fire service before I was carted off to A& E in Brighton, later dismissed with Stage 4 cancer. I had a mass on the lung, metal pin in my leg and was pointed in the direction of the hospice – with the instruction ‘do not pass go, do not collect £200.’
To be fair the Cancer Centre looked for something to help, instead they gave me six months to live… and love… and trust me, that sharp learning curve is priceless… particularly the loving bit.
The stoical path is paved with arrogance and a lot of other silly stuff… terrible pain is just one dimension, along with pink brain fog and the withdrawal of common sense. But the lessons to be learned on the way are exquisite.
Come die with me and learn the hilarity and joy of meeting death, something I have embraced pretty well all my life, as a funeral celebrant, a snoopy sort, and a dotty stoic with rubbish health, verging on hilarity.
Normally when it comes to pitching a story, it must be said that those journalists that invite one to skip down the primrose path, do get on my nerves… their descriptions of sadness and pain are no fun. Unfortunately, if I pitched a story to a newspaper today nobody will listen. My voice, which lovingly sustained my professional career for 30 years, honed on beautiful meditations, smoothed by funerals, shaped by the odd radio or TV broadcast, and smoothed as a minister and hypnotherapist has gone, snatched by a lung tumour, that in eight months has totally destroyed my vocal chords. It’s hell. Nobody can hear me, and I’m not even in space!
But that wasn’t the only pleasure taken off the menu. Twelve years ago, I developed coeliac disease and a milk intolerance: no gluten, no cheese. Two years later came pancreatitis: no alcohol, no fat—not even a friendly tipple with mates. Dear reader, whom did I annoy? Where is my pain au chocolat? It’s not fair. Then, after a brutal week at Sussex General, I discovered just how disappointing the gluten-free menu could be: jacket potatoes seven days running. Oh! but the nurses, what an opportunity to see loving care, receptivity, compassion and kindness given in totality. The nurses are angels, and as I made my wobbly way through the system, against the distant instagram background media noise created by Trump, Musk, Putin, Netanyahu and a thousand other wicked men, I came to see that we are blessed, blessed by spiritual beauty that must survive and flourish. This is my journey of discovery to death and love. Please join me. Come die with me and have fun.
Thanks to the loving attention of my lovely friend Rabbi Elli Sarah it looks as though this opening step to death will make a bit more sense. Let’s go darlings.
We need moonlight and mystery Creeping fear and senseless delight
We need tedium Raging boredom And dulling impatience
We do not need To be right Or righteous with it
We do not need Nonsensical posturing
We need sadness Meekness, weakness Weepy moments Laughter and joy Spontaneous squeezes Poetry and song And sometimes Wit and wisdom And occasionally… Flippancy and frivolity
We need to be caring Compassionate Kind Creative And calm
There are so many things we need to be Before we set off for pastures new
Most of all We need to love and be loved… To meet death as an old friend And know and trust… That above all things… We will meet again… Whether you like it, or not
Let us pray for women Struggling every day In crushing heat And punishing cold North, South, East and West Carrying food and water… Nurturing and cultivating Conscientious and caring
Let us honour those women Who knew drudgery and oppression Branded as goods and chattels… Awarded little value Who gave birth to our ancestors Yours and mine Women who served as slaves For over 5,000 years
Let us pray for women Who have been excluded From men’s clubs Pubs Universities Arenas Polling stations Places of worship Government chambers Dining rooms Schools And hospitals…
The opposite of change Is stagnation… Stagnation is spiritual death But this path to enlightenment Has illuminated the way for women and men and children… Revealing the beauty of potential unleashed Creative achievement and compassion
So let us rejoice And offer thanks For those that embrace Life, nature and womanhood: Nurses, doctors, midwives Poets, writers, artists Musicians, scientists, teachers, Lawyers, writers, ecologists Mothers, and matriarchs Priests, professors, painters Pilots, police officers and project managers Women all
And so… This day, carried on the tide of change We celebrate International Women’s Day With heartfelt joy Together
Let us share a moment of gratitude… Because the freedom of women is the key That opens the door to love, hope and peace in our world
This is a funeral reading for a woman or a man. One simply changes the wording. Quite often I’m asked if I mind my funeral readings being changed… the answer has to be ‘of course not’. The readings are there to serve the needs of whoever uses them.
‘So long’ she said We didn’t hear Yet we all knew That she had gone
Today it’s different It’s not long… Since she left But long enough To know how hard it is To live and be without her
Life journeys Can be short… and long They take us far and wide Picking up memories along the path Recalling times of love and joy Making us cry and laugh
‘So long’ we whispered Not aloud… No, not aloud Because we all know That in those words So deep… so very deep Is something else entwined
‘So long’ means ‘Till we meet again’ And that’s the way it is
Today and every day We’ve come to know A spirit on the journey we all share Just doesn’t disappear… The message is ‘Farewell… until we meet again.’ And that’s the way it is.
AI is a human machine, like a typewriter or a dishwasher. To ask AI to produce nonsense poetry is not pleasant. There’s a lot of it around, but because AI has no subconscious or spirit, it flounders. So I wrote a poem dedicated to the missing spirit of AI.
Long Before the Day has Ended
Long before the day has ended You will meet your inner self It’s no secret what was mended It was sitting on the shelf
Far and wide your shining wisdom Leads to trails unknown to man Such are pathways to the kingdom Where one finds a tasty flan
These are words that offer plenty Redolent in taste and rhyme AI smells of something empty Unintelligence sublime
Listening to the news in all its horror often makes us feel powerless. But we are never powerless. Prayer operates outside time, and may not always deliver what we expect, but it empowers us to reflect and bring about change… hopefully loving change... for the better.
Electronic pulses Pump streams of messages Broadcast sorrow We see anger, frenzy Snapshots of horror
In one place Men queue to kill In another People scurry away Filled with terror
We are all witnesses We hear, we see, we feel
Let’s ask for understanding That healing may happen
In prayer We use words of love We ask that torn minds And injured bodies May be healed
We pray for peace To put an end to intolerance Stop conflict Open doors To understanding
Let us pray That we may touch the air Calm the fire Bless the earth Stroke the water Transcend time and space And bring Loving change To this place Together
When we are depressed we are often inconsolable. Depression is a horrific disease of our society. It seems to me that only by inviting a traveller to take the journey and accept the nature of both stagnancy and change as being part of the life voyage, one may steer a good soul away from the depths of despair.
Prayer for the Depressed
Is this the feeling? You and I Ineffectual? Worthless? Insignificant?
Blips on the horizon of time
We’re floating Let’s keep it this way Let’s keep this boat afloat And share the journey
We won’t give up Let’s stay together Go with the waters of time Drift on the tide of change
Let the boat drift, slowly On a gentle stream Through woodland waters… Where sunlight glints On green leaves
Now… Can you hear?
It’s the music of water gently lapping There’s birdsong Curling, weaving through the air Music, harmony, resonance
The sun is radiant It beams on bankside greenery And shines on gardens It warms flowers admired by butterflies and bees
The radiance is always there It shines on us as well We too are precious
The flowers turn and smile back Let me hold your hand We’re doing this journey together This drifting This floating
Whatever happens Know this There’s always Always A perfect place For you
It’s a journey Across dimensions You’re not alone You’re special
Change happens Change will happen It’ll be alright Believe and be Love and be loved Be loved Beloved
Light a candle tonight And join me on the bandstand at midnight We’ll feel the chill of winter’s wind And stay warm Peer into the darkness And meet an unexpected peace … quiet but for the roaring sea And the howling winds Empty save for the spirits … the wandering dreamers
The clock strikes midnight Come walk with me Give us a new page In the history of our merry city And bless us Strong and weak Young and old Near and far The dwellers Sleek and meek The street sleepers Let’s burst open In a shower Of optimistic celebration And feel the sacred kiss of hope At the gateway of a New Year
