It’s the season for reciprocation, love and goodwill… So I’m the twit, and I give you a card or a very inappropriate present…and you give me a bit of tat…
…Hence twit for tat.
What exactly does this mean in real terms? It means that with the right friend in ones life one might spend an inordinate amount of time lounging in the bath with an amazing and fabulous choice of bath salts, bath essence, bath oils, bath buns and bath bombs. The bath bombs sound dangerous, but let me assure you that they are no more dangerous than watching paint dry, in fact less so. You can’t go wrong with bath stuff, unless the person just showers every day at speed, and throws all their bath stuff into a damp corner, in which case it isn’t even possible to recycle it to give to another person — however much one may wish to do so.
I like to think that I am good at choosing presents for people, but I am not sure if that is always the case. Whether I’m good or bad, there are people out there that are worse than me… yes… that is possible. Some are so skilled at choosing irrelevant presents that I don’t know why they bother with the middle man or woman; the gift could go straight to the charity shop – do not pass go – do not collect £200 – just go directly to the Marie Curie or Oxfam shop please, and leave me out of the equation.
One present that arrived in the post from a much-loved relative could not even make it to the charity shop, and even a careful and slightly destructive shot at using it ‘for purpose’ totally failed. It was, in a word, completely useless, kind in thought but stupid indeed. All this sounds unbelievably ungracious… and it is. I don’t see why Scrooge should have all the fun. But just imagine if Scrooge was rude about accepting presents, how it would have changed the world, not to mention the entire tone, plot, mood and direction of The Christmas Carol: “Bob Cratchit, I find myself obliged to hold the view that both the Coconut Dream and Party Girl Glitter bath bombs do not fulfil either my corporeal, or hygienic needs. Enough is enough! Take back your bath bombs! You’re fired.” It’s true Scrooge is ungracious… and so am I. Bah! Humbug! Yippee!